Oh the monthly post where we unburden our souls, have a laugh, and giggle at the insanity of life. I’m ready! You ready?
1) One of my goals for 2015 was to “be more selfish”. In February, I’m going to do something that seems crazy selfish. I’ve wanted a very expensive piece of kitchen equipment for years. YEARS. Every time I make a smoothie or hummus, I grumble that my food processor or generic blender just aren’t cutting it. But the cash…oh the cash…it was too much.
That’s right folks, I’m buying a Vitamix next month. Just typing it makes me want to puke in my mouth a little bit because it costs more than my entire labor and delivery with Jack.
We have the Costco American Express card, and get our rebate back each February which is something like 2% for all purchases and 3 or 4% for gas. I guesstimated our rebate, and then have been saving a little bit each paycheck for the remainder of what this BMW of blenders is going to cost me. Costco has them, and I hope they’ll be back on sale again at the end of February when I’m going to pick “her” up.
I have quite the collection of spendy kitchen supplies like my grain mill, my stand mixer, and my food processor, but they are things I use every single week. I’m not the person to get a fancy toy and then put it away…nope I play with my toys almost daily. And I’m very excited to bring this one home.
But still, holy crap balls they’re expensive.
2) A few weeks before Christmas I was knitting a scarf for a friend. It started out cute, and then got really ugly really quickly. I simply couldn’t give it to someone and wish them with a Merry Christmas with a straight face. So, I gave it to Troy and told him on his next shift to give it to a homeless person.
I’m not someone who sits on the couch and “just” watches TV well (it bores me), so I’ve started going through all my old ugly yarn and knitting more scarves for more homeless people.
It’s 50% charity, 50% making room for cuter stuff.
3) Until last year, I thought the saying “more useless than tits on a boar” was actually “more useless than tits on a board”. I argued with the person who told me it was really “on a boar”. She said “well you know, tits on a male pig are useless” to which I replied “um yeah, as they are on a board”. I still pretty much think my version makes as much sense.
4) My mom has really cold hands. I used to hate clothes shopping with her because when she did that thing where she’d snake her hands at the back of my pants to make sure they had enough room, my internal organs would freeze from skin to skin contact with her. I never understood how one person could have so little circulation in their extremities.
Now of course I have the freezing cold hands. Troy calls me “ice mitts”, and a coworker used me to cool her skin after getting a sunburn last summer.
Because my hands can’t be trusted to estimate normal temperatures, Jack has to test his own bath water. I tried using my elbow and my forearm, but finally gave up after too many temp failures. Now, Jack dips his toe in the tub before getting in, because I simply can’t be trusted.
5) I’ve always hung our laundry because it’s better for the clothes, the environment, and saves us a boatload from rarely running the dryer. With all the construction dust we had for a solid month, I was forced to dry everything in the dryer.
It was like a vacation for me. I felt like the first person who witnessed a microwave. I kept saying “I put these clothes in here and in only 40 minutes they’re DRY”. It was a miracle and I enjoyed it.
I’m back to hanging stuff, and it’s honestly just about as much work, but I’m still tempted every once in a while to just chuck everything in the dryer.
6) Our garbage service for our area is once a week for garbage and every other week for recycling. We changed our garbage to every other week to save money, and usually it’s just about full on garbage day. Our recycling is almost always full after only one week. When I text our neighbors to see if I can put stuff in their recycling, they always have tons of room, but their garbage cans which are picked up weekly are stuffed.
I really wish that garbage was mandatory every other week and recycling was weekly for everyone. I think if you required people to think about what they were throwing away and how they were purchasing things (disposable, one use, etc.,) our societal consumption would go WAY down. I know so many of our own choices adjusted when we left our old apartment (dumpster meant you didn’t have to really think about how much you were tossing), and were faced with a smaller garbage can.
7) If it were not for a pair of well-used $18 13-year-old Tweezerman tweezers, I would have a caveman style unibrow. Troy naturally has gorgeous eyebrows with zero grooming (and perfect skin) and I hate him for it!
8) I really want a rabbit. Troy won’t let me get any more outdoor animals, and we can’t have indoor animals because of his allergies.
I don’t want a rabbit for snuggling or anything, but because rabbit poop is AMAZING fertilizer for the garden. Maybe I need to start trolling Craigslist for poop.
9) You know how you’re supposed to tap a knife in to the side of an avocado pit and pull it out?
Yay, I can’t do that.
I CAN’T. I’ve tried and I have never had success at it. I have cut myself multiple times, so now I just scoop the pit out with a spoon.
10) Troy has a decent amount of grey in his hair. I’ve been cutting his hair since about three months after we started dating. We haven’t spent at dime on male hair cuts in this house since 2002.
I use a number two (hee hee) guard on the sides, but wish he would let me use a number three. The number two makes the sides so short and 95% of the grey disappears.
Maybe I’m weird but I think grey hair is sexy as hell. My number one celebrity freebie is Jon Stewart, and damn I think part of it is the hair. Hubba hubba.
11) Speaking of celeb freebies, in junior high I had a huge crush on Bob Costas.
Yes, that Bob Costas.
I’m starting to sound like I have a “daddy” complex with all these older guys, but my thing for Bob was because he was so kind an encouraging and always sounded so freaking smart.
Your turn. Let the reader confessing begin!