This mini break during you holiday freak out is brought to you by the letter C – for Confessions. Let’s get down to it, m’kay?
- Dear TNT. I have accepted that fact that 28-29 days a month, I have to get up between 4:30 and 5 am. It’s now part of my routine and I’m mostly ok with it. But, one of the benefits to getting up at such an ungodly hour is that on Saturday and Sundays, I have a quiet house and for a few glorious minutes, I get to watch Law and Order reruns while I drink my cocoa. And then, you all started freaking messing with it by playing the (terrible) episodes 1-3 of Star Wars, and other crappy movies at the butt crack of dawn. I want to hear the “chung chung” of the Law and Order sound, and not All About the Benjamins when I am rubbing sleep out of my eyes at 4:45 am. It is NOT ok TNT. Not ok.
- Have you ever seen someone in a grocery store or at Target that you know? You say hi, do a quick superficial chat, and then you’re off on your way to finish up your shopping. Then, like five minutes later, you see them again. You both make eye contact and giggle a bit, cause “what are the chances”, wave and go back your list. And then the third or fourth time you see them, you start resenting them. I already said hello Judy, please get out of my face and my store. Just go buy your crap and get out of here so I can pick up the car donut I buy to eat on the way home every time I hit up the grocery store. LEAVE ME ALONE.
- There is a house a few streets away from us that is a bit of a junker. There are always a large number of cars that may or may not work in the driveway, and they’ll trim their trees and then just leave the branches in the yard for a good six months before they finally pick them up. They have an electric pumpkin on their front porch from Halloween. At first I thought they had just forgotten to toss their jack-o-latern, and then I saw the wires coming from it. The thing is, they turn it off during the day, and light that sucker up again at night. It’s not like they leave it on 24/7. I’m not one for seasonal decorating of my home, but even I recognize that is a month too late. Maybe time to pack that up for next year?
- When we moved back from Los Angeles, it took me a good three months to remember how to drive safely at night. In LA, there were so many street lights and everything was so artificially illuminated, that when we got back home, trying to rely on just my headlights was a major adjustment.
- I really can’t stand Hallmark movies. I feel like the titles are so insulting to the idea of actual successful relationships. “A Kiss for Christmas” or a “Man for New Years” plays to the desire for a perfect romance. What I want to see is a movie titled “Staying Together After He Ate a Bloomin’ Onion and Almost Murdered You With Farts in Your Sleep”. That is real life. A movie like that will not set up little girls for thinking that relationships are not actual work.
- I hate wearing socks to bed so much, that sometimes, I’ll climb in to bed with them on my feet, just to feel the amazing sense of satisfaction when I rip them off three minutes later.
- Dear everyone in my house: if you see that there is a just a tiny bit of ketchup left in the container, do NOT go get a brand new container, use it, and then put BOTH containers back in the fridge. Transfer the remaining dregs of ketchup from the old bottle and put it in the new bottle. We’ve been over this. Open up the old bottle, add a few drops of water, shake, and put it in the freaking new one.
- I’m 6 feet tall, and a huge extrovert. During a text conversation with one of my friends last month, I realized that easily 95% of my friends are short introverts. Is it because I need to be around people who let me be the loud and crazy one? Is it because most people are just shorter than me? Why I am drawn to the quiet shorties? And please note, I LOVE the quiet shorties.
Ok friends, release your silliness and share your confessions.